My dad did well getting along with people. He said to me a thousand times, things like, “It’s not what you know, but who you know,” and, “Son, I’m in the relationships business,” and “The most valuable thing a man can give you is his hand in friendship.”

We all know how important interpersonal relationships are. But I have watched in amazement many times as people make bad decisions, burn bridges, sour relationships, hold grudges or just practice bad politics at work. Most times it’s a matter of letting the tongue get ahead of the mouth. These are all human characteristics, but preventable ones.

After you’ve been in the business a while, know how to work smart, and make the most of your experience. You may eventually find yourself in a job that allows you to cut back on your physical labor. But in the early years, you need to have a good work ethic to get noticed and to advance in our field. It’s a great testament to our profession that usually the most diligent, hard-working people are rewarded in the form of a new job, assignment or career path. That’s the way it should be. It doesn’t always happen the way you want with the band or artist you want or the position you want. But no matter what your goals are in life or in your career, a good work ethic will bring rewards. And you won’t have a stage manager screaming, “You lazy vidiot!”

As your career advances, if you keep up that work ethic, you will not only endear yourself to your co-workers and those who work for you, but also to the people you work for. That’s why most U.S. Marine officers eat and sleep with their men. It sends a clear message that, “I won’t ask you to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself.” Those are words to live by.

In the list of most important personality traits, persistence is next. Every day, someone comes up to me and says,” How can I do what you guys do?” (Nowadays, most people asking this question are already on the road doing something else, so the competition is keen.) I always tell them to be persistent. One day, someday, somebody’s going say yes when you ask if they need a hand. Learn all you can about what you’d like to do. Getting around local gigs as a stagehand is always a good starting point. Get to know people in the industry. Ask questions, but not too many at a time. And most importantly, wait until the right time. If you see that a person is very busy setting up or loading out, don’t assume it’s okay to interrupt. And by all means, never assume that you can speak to a crew member during a show. The best time to speak to a crew member is during a break or when they’re relaxing on the bus (assuming you don’t have to breach security to be on the bus).

Finally, be respectful. You may think you know everything, but I can assure you, you don’t. I have been doing this for 14 years and I know there is a lot more to learn. This column I write every month is a learning experience for me. So be respectful to your peers and treat them like teachers until they bust your chops not to, because they are your teachers. I have learned something from almost everyone that I have worked with or for. And from that respect, you’ll end up with lifelong friends.

When you get that job, try to “work and play well with others.” I try to hire people with all of the traits I’ve mentioned. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve had people let me down for many reasons. Then you have to do something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and that’s to sack them. But what if you have a disagreement with a crew member from another department, or worse yet, your boss? They might be like a bicycle tire; a valve stem sticking out of a mass of hot air. Then you have to learn how to disagree, give them a wide berth and try not to make anyone uncomfortable. After all, living on a 45-foot metal tube is not the easiest place to get away from people. That’s when patience comes in. As fun as the road can be, it’s very easy to find yourself moaning about everything and everyone, but just don’t do it at work. Call the girlfriend, boyfriend, mom, dad, anyone but your crew brothers. I can assure you they are probably just as sick of you too. Patience is a virtue and on the road it’s a necessity.

Some people might think that all this is just flat out ass kissing. Maybe I’m naive, but being from the old school, I find life so much more satisfying if we travel through it with good intentions and a smile. It doesn’t mean you can’t be smart, intuitive, savvy and a good businessperson. And if you respect your peers, most people will say you have “good karma” or you are “likeable.” Suppose a production manager is looking for a video guy/girl and the vendor has no one available because they have a lot of tours out. Then an acquaintance will mention a name—yours!—and someone else will say, “Yeah, I know that guy.” If anyone else is up for the job and someone says what a “nice guy” you are, or what a “great attitude” you have, I guarantee you, you’ll get the call before the next person.

When I got out of school, I had found I had a taste for the video business. I knew a guy who ran camera on a locally produced syndicated television show. He was the handheld guy and he was very good. Every once in a while, as we were loading in a show, I’d ask him stuff. He was nice and he shared some of his experiences with me. I never forgot that. His name is Arnold Simmons, and he now is a touring video guy with Dave Mathews. Thanks, Arnold, for being a hillbilly kid’s muse, and for not telling me to go jump in the river during those long days we did on Neyland Drive at the gig on the barge.