Hey guys, could we, like, be a bit more discret in our language. Some of these poncy venue staff and punters can't cope with our, like, relaxed language. Sniff. Could you use these codes instead, especially when using intercom or, like, leaning on the barriers.

10 quid rise in P.D.'s to cope with the stress, man.

p.s. The last bit was a lie. Anyone ELSE who asks me for P.D.'s will get the sack!

200. The fucking desk has crashed again!
201. Oh shit, I thought this song was *x* not *y*
202. Oh no, not this song again. Anyone got a pillow?
203. What do you mean, "The racks are on fire." ?!?
204. No, you fucking can't switch that rack off for 5 minutes!
205. NO NO NO! Don't move in front of that light! Arrrrgggh!
206. Which pillock kicked-over the floor cans during changeover?
207. You're all crap. I'm seeing Production straight after the show.
208. I love you all, I'll get you a beer during takedown.
209. I'm not being fucking paid enough to cope with this shit.
210. Fuck me, that didn't happen when I pressed that yesterday.
211. Pyros? Pyros? NO! NOT NOW YOU IDIOTS!!
212. How the heck do you program this desk...
213. It isn't working! It isn't working! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
214. Hmmm? What? Wooops! Missed that again...
216. What the heck is that Cyber/V-L doing!?!
218. I want more lights.
219. The fucking scrollers have gone into disco mode again!
220. The patch is fucked again.
221. Hey, look at the gorgous blond standing here! Oh, you can't. Ha Ha.
222. Good show guys, I'm going to the bar.

223. The LD's fucked-up again.
224. Who rigged this? Its supposed to be straight!
225. Shit! Did you see that bulb blow!
226. Oh look, Cybers/V-L *x* is screwed again.
227. Hey! Mind that cable...Oh, too late...
228. Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it was less bored than me!
229. Oh I fucking *HATE* this song.
230. I'm off to catering.
231. Where *IS* catering today?
232. What's catering?
233. Is that supposed to be smoking like that?
234. Where's my fucking maglite?
235. Who wants to crawl across the back of stage today?
236. Well, *I* didn't touch the fucking patch!
237. Look at that one! Where's that spare pass?!?
238. Fucking take-down and the LD's ponced-off again.

239. Oh shit, you numbered them in *THAT* direction!
240. I thought *HE* was the lead guitar!
241. I can't hold it any steadier!
242. Shit, the shutter's jammed again!
243. I thought *I* was spot 4!
244. How fucking long is this show?
245. Look mate, you come up here and try and do it better!
246. Get that fucking light out of my eyes!
247. Shit, its really hot up here!
248. Look at the really cute one in the white top near the front.
249. I need to piss! I forgot a bottle! Help!

250. No! Not in the chain-bag!
251. Well, it was straight this morning.
252. What do you mean, you can't find a fucking 2m spanset?
253. This shackle is fucked.
254. We need another rigger.
255. I'm doing it as fast as I fucking can!! Get off my back!!
256. Look, I'm first up and last to bed, so fuck you.
257. It won't take that.
258. Send the cute one out to the bus.
259. Shit! The rig is hanging from the cable-pick again!

260. Where's the fucking feedback coming from?
261. No no no! Sing *INTO* the mic, asshole!
262. Don't stick that in the wedge!
263. Aggggrrhh! Another trashed mic.
264. These speakers need re-triming. Now. I don't care its mid-show.
265. We need to test every speaker tommorrow.
266. I wish I had better mics/speakers/desk.
267. *I* can play better than that.
268. Well, I don't think its too loud.
269. No, I haven't got a fucking spare output.
265. How the does one of these units work?
266. Shit! Missed the DAT running-out again.
267. I'm too good for this.
268. I hate this venue.
269. Where's the way out of catering?
270. Does that 7am call include *us*?
271. No I can't move that.
272. Oooohhhhh...look at *that* one...
273. Well, *we* got our gear out in half an hour!

274. Where's the fucking band gone?!?
275. 2 minutes guys. Honest. This time I promise.
276. We need more light back here!
277. Lights! Lights! Go! Go!
278. Sound! Sound! Switch it on!
279. No No, not yet, they want to...oh shit, too late...
280. I'll be in catering.
281. I'll be in production.
282. Special announcement guys, don't pack-up yet.
283. Anyone want these flowers?
284. Hmmm, look at...
285. Ok guys, lets do a quick one tonight.

286. Come on, get it up quicker.
287. The trucks have to go in an hour!
288. No, you can't go to catering.
289. I'm going to the office.
290. Can anyone fix my fucking fax/computer/photocopier?
291. Anyone want to give the Runner some money for their shit?
292. But, I got you a screwdriver *LAST* week.
293. Money no object, fix it!
294. Production can't stretch to that!
295. The band hated it - we need to talk straight after the show.
296. The band loved it - see me for a special bonus after the show.
297. What PD's?
298. *no translation, already chatting them-up*
299. 4 hours sleep is enough, isn't it?