ICEinLAVA's Domain - The Techie Gospel

It has come to the attention of the management that abusive and locally colorful language has become all too commonplace during the run of some performances. Since it is our endeavor to maintain the formal and professional decorum of the theatre, we have to curb the shits and fucks that permeate the backstage areas. We also recognize the need for technicians to creatively express themselves, so we have devised the following code list where a 100-code number will quickly identify a particular feeling or situation.

101. This board is a genuine, honest-to-God, bona-fide real life copy of a piece of shit...
102. Ahh, COME ON! A trained octopus couldn't take a cue like that.
103. I think the dimmer pack is on fire.
104. I wasn't even near the light board.
105. Somebody backstage must have done it.
106. This fuck'in light would look great in an outhouse.
107. Is this fiasco over yet?
108. Hey, turkey, you re supposed to stand in the light, that's what it's there for.
109. You want me to take how many presets in ten seconds?
110. If you want that kind of garbage, buy a light organ.
111. That's the ugliest set of color washes I have ever seen.
112. The turds upstairs won't buy us one.
113. Even if they did buy one, it wouldn't help.
114. Is it act three yet?
115. It was dimmer creep.
116. Send the cute one up to the light booth.
117. That's one fuggly (fucking ugly) color.

120. You couldn't hear a stick of dynamite at ten paces.
121. Back off the mike, asshole.
122. This amp would make a lovely boat anchor.
123. Don't thump on the mics.
124. Don't blow into them either.
125. Is this turkey over yet?
126. Must be a loose wire... somewhere.
127. Ah, I think the console is on fire.
128. No, dipstick, you're supposed to use the other end of the mic.
129. If you want that kind of bullshit, buy a synthesizer.
130. I'm deeply sorry that I do not have enough cord to go to Cuba.
131. Of course the stack is leaning, you set the fucking thing right on my foot.
132. Send the cute one up to the sound booth.

140. How come I always get the ones that move like a rabbit in heat?
141. You want that kind of coverage, Scrooge, hire another followspot.
142. No sucker, six colors is all you get.
143. I prefer the crotch shot, myself.
144. These machines aren't worth diddly squat.
145. Can we do without the next cue? I gotta go pee.
146. More BEER!
147. I can't help it - some bear in trousers and a funny hat just stomped my light out.

150. You said to drop it, you didn't specify where and how fast.
151. B O R I N G
152. Is this piece of horse shit over yet?
153. Hey you, don't run into my baton so hard.
154. Gone for pizza, take the scene shift without me.
155. Hey asshole, you want to stand under that sandbag over there?
156. Good golly Miss Molly, will you look at the gazongas on the one that just walked in!
157. Ever herd of casters? Little round things, makes moving really easy.
158. If God had wanted that tank to fly, He would have put wings on it.
159. Touch that again, and I'll hang you by your balls from the highest point on the grid.
160. If you don't mind, I'd like to do it wrong my own way.
161. I've got the cute one backstage.

170. Is there any possibility that we can all take this cue together?
171. Lights: This is your wakeup call.
172. You want a live cow on stage in what scene?
173. Well, I've never heard of that scene before.
174. Cues 16 through 82... GO!
175. Any chance of us starting anywhere on time?
176. Fuck cues 103 and 131.
177. Oh, suck mine.
178. Sideways.
179. Call em like you want em or take it like you get it.
180. You couldn't find two St. Bernards if they were screwing in the same closet as you.
181. WHAT did you say was on fire?
182. What is someone as talented as me doing working on a piece of junk like this?
183. Pardon me, but you have obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.
184. Half over, guys.
185. This same old shit has got to stop.
186. Is it art, yet?
187. Sit on the rail and spin, fucker.
188. Can't talk now, some shithead stole my code list.